Tears for Tubby

When I started this blog site in January of 2010, it was to mourn the loss of our beloved dog Jake who had died after blessing our lives for 11 years.  I thought writing would be therapeutical for me during my grief and I wanted to share the memories with everyone.  At the time, I never believed my heart could be more broken than it was when we lost him.

As I write this entry, we are deeply grieving the loss of our precious Tubby, who we lost suddenly and inconceivably yesterday.  We are in utter shock and our grief is enormous.  My heart is broken all over again and the pain is even greater in that we were so unprepared.

How could I choose just one single photo from the hundreds that we have, to top this entry of my sweet angel Tubby?  I wish I could put every single photo of him on this site as each and every one is etched in my mind forever.  Tubby on the bed, wagging his tail profusely.  Tubby asleep with his tongue hanging out, snoring away.  Tubby with bunny ears on at Easter.  Tubby chewing his favorite bone.  Tubby with his head on Sid's shoulder or laying in his lap.  Tubby, our baby, our whole life.

I walked around in shock yesterday, tearful and sobbing as I tried to put all his toys and things in a bag to put away.  We picked up his room and took out his bed.  I washed his dog dishes and cried over all the times he shoved his whole face down into that dish to eat, while food flew everywhere around my kitchen.  I cried for all the times I scolded him for making such a mess and for any negative thoughts I had while sweeping up afterward. 

I cry for poor Sid, who had to be the one to carry him home in his arms and dig a hole in the backyard to bury his best friend.  How God gave him the strength to do it, I don't know.  God put Tubby on this earth to do one thing and that was to love tremendously and to be tremendously loved.  Everyone who knew Tubs, loved him.  He didn't know a stranger and loved everyone that came around.  He was just simply the happiest dog ever.  We were so blessed to have him in our lives.  He made our home a home.  When I came home at night, it was to be welcomed by him and his floppy face.  When we fell asleep at night, it was with him at our feet, and when we woke in the morning, it was to him snuggled up between us, sprawled out and snoring away as always.  We lived and breathed for that dog.  He was our baby and the heart of our family.

I have so many beautiful memories of him that I will always carry in my heart.  He's everywhere I look, and in my thoughts as I close my eyes.  Our hearts are aching.  We love you Tubby.