As much as I try to convince myself I've become quite the farm girl, living out in the boonies with three donkeys in a pasture does not a full-fledged farm girl make! I came to this conclusion while Hubby's been out of town on a job and I was left home alone to care for the brood all by myself.Right before he left town he reminded me I needed to get some hay out for the donkeys. It's getting really cold out now and they've already polished off the big round bale Sid gave them less than two weeks ago. They eat like pigs, fattening themselves up for the Winter. I hurried home from work so I could get the hay out of the back barn before it got too dark. They'd have to settle for square bales because this girl CANNOT drive the tractor to haul a big round bale. Sid does all the tractor driving around here, not me! I can barely climb up on the darn thing. The tires are twice as tall as I am!
By the time I got home and let Tubs out to do his business, it was already starting to get dark. I jumped in the jeep and headed back to the barn, praying I'd make it up the hill and not get stuck. I don't know how to work the four-wheel-drive and I'm not used to driving a stick anymore after all this time driving my SUV. I pulled up to the barn and parked right out front so I could just toss the bales from the hayloft down to the jeep. Those bales weigh more than a baby walrus and I didn't want to have to haul them any farther than I had to. Lifting them up into the jeep was going to be hard enough.
I climbed out of the jeep and it dawned on me that not only had I forgot to bring some gloves, I also forgot to change out of my good clothes and shoes, let alone remember to bring a flashlight. The electricity to the barn has never worked right and some barn swallows built a nest around the light fixture closest to the lower entry door, so it doesn't work when you pull the string. So, in the semi-dark I started up the steps to the loft. No handrails to hold onto so I took it slow. The hayloft was even darker than downstairs, and as I took that last step up, I heard something rustling in the hay to my left and almost fell back down the steps! I could barely make out the shapes of the bales of hay in the corner, so I don't know what it was scurrying around up there, but I hurried to fling the loft doors open in hopes of letting in some light. As soon as I got them open, something flew out right over my head and nearly scared me half to death. I'm sure it must have been a big, hairy, rabid vampire bat with long pointy teeth, but more than likely it was just a cardinal or some other silly bird. Lord, help me hurry up and get the heck out of this barn in one piece!
With a little more light shining in, I was able to grab some bales and heave them out the loft doors to the jeep below. Luckily, all four bales stayed in tact and none of the strings popped off. I slammed the loft doors and pulled the latch and in record time I was back down those stairs and out of that creepy barn. Now to try and load these heavy bales. I will never again take for granted my helpful and manly husband! By the time I got all four bales crammed into the back of the jeep, my beautiful new winter dress coat was covered in hay and I had just as much hanging in my hair!
Back down the hill I drove and once I got to the gate, there were all three of my furry-faced donkeys in the corner of the fence waiting for me to unload the bounty. I closed the gate so our neighbor's horse couldn't get out. Heaven knows I don't need to be chasing after a runaway horse on top of all this! I drove the jeep down the fence line and all three donkeys ran alongside me bucking and kicking and hee-hawing all the way. They had their heads hanging over the fence, craning their necks toward the hay as soon as I stopped the jeep. Out with the bales and up over the fence, which just about gave me a hernia. Then I had to go into the shop for a knife to cut the strings, but when I got there, my knife wasn't in it's normal spot and I couldn't find it anywhere. I found a metal paint scraper that looked sharp enough to cut through the strings, so back outside I went.
Now its definitely dark as pitch and I can barely see my hand in front of my face. I opened the gate and all three donkeys instantly appeared in front of me like I was going to fill their grain buckets or something. I had to shoo them off just to swing the gate open. Sheesh. Usually, I'm not allowed into the donkey pasture alone unless Sid is home. Donkeys are unpredictable. They may love and adore me, but that doesn't mean they won't bite or tromple me to death trying to express that love!
It's a little unnerving walking through a dark pasture with three donkeys following so close behind you that you can feel their breath on the back of your neck. I had to pick up a stick to swing behind me to keep them at a safe distance. Finally, I got to the bales, cut and pulled the strings and scattered out the hay so they could eat. As soon as the last of the hay was scattered, all three piglets were munching away, so I made my way back across the barnyard only to step in a big pile of donkey muck.
It all happened so fast. One second I'm in my shoes and the next second I'm not. I lost my balance and pitched forward, landing on all fours. Umpf! Muck on my knees and hands and my shoes stuck behind me. I can only hope and pray its dark enough out here that none of my neighbors can see me in this most humiliating position! I was tempted to just roll over onto my back and lay there and cry, but I got myself up, pulled my shoes out of the poo and made my way back to the house. If ever I needed a bubble bath and a box of chocolates, it was now! And to top it all off, I broke a nail. Drat!
So, no, this prissified girlie-girl isn't quite ready to fully embrace farm life just yet. I'd really like to leave all the messy, difficult tasks to my big, strong Hubby instead. And to think I asked Santa for chickens and pigs this Christmas! Lord have mercy! I can only imagine the trouble I'd get myself into trying to take care of them!
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