Bye-Bye Bombshell

When we first got our beloved Tubby, we bought him the most beautiful doggie bed. It was suede on one side and soft, furry lamb's wool on the other side and we just knew he would love it. We proudly presented it to him and the first thing he did was walk up to it, sniff it all over and then he proceeded to hump it. Not quite the reception we were expecting, to say the least!

I'm sure my jaw dropped to the floor and I covered my eyes, while Sid cracked up and rooted him on. This dog was disgusting! When it was obvious he was never going to use his bed for anything but a "girlfriend", we decided to give her a name. Sid named her "Bombshell" after Bombshell McGee.

From that first day on and all throughout his first year with us, Tubby and his Bombshell have been a hot and heavy item. He got to be so rambunctiously enamored with her that we had to move her out to the porch because he'd make so much noise attacking her non-stop all throughout the house. Heavy breathing, snorting, grunting and growling. The only thing missing was the corny background music. Doggie Porn in my living room. Gross!

Once we moved her outside, Tubby had a routine. Every night around eight, like clockwork he'd go to the front door and grunt in frustration until we'd let him out to be with his gal. He slams through the screen door and runs right to her and immediately climbs on top. No "Hi Honey, how was your day?" or whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Just wham-bam hummina-hummina and let's get busy! Isn't that just like a man? He'll stay out there with her for an hour rolling her from one side of the porch to the other, taking breaks every so often to catch his breath. He's definitely got record-breaking stamina, that's for sure. Sometimes we have to go out there and take her away from him before he gives himself a heart attack from overexertion. And let me tell you, that's no easy task! He about climbs up your leg to get to her when you hold her up to take her away.

Lately, we've noticed poor old Bombshell has been looking a little worse for the wear. She has holes in her where he's chewed her up and her stuffing is falling out all over the place. Sid decided it's time we sent her packing, so today he loaded them both up in the jeep for a ride to the dump. Of course Tubby was in heaven, "loving" on her the whole way down the road. Little did he know these were the last precious minutes he would have with his worn out Love Monkey.

They arrived at the dump and Sid climbed out of the jeep and yanked her out from underneath Tubs and tossed her into the bin. Tubby just watched her fly over the edge of the bin and looked back at his Dad like "What the heck!?" You had to wonder what was going through his mind as he looked back while they drove away and left her behind.

They drove straight into town in search of a new girlfriend and Sid found the perfect replacement at Tractor Supply for only $10. Now that's a cheap date! She was soft and furry and just the right size and Tubby fell in love with her instantly. He initiated their courtship all the way home and right now as I type this, Tubby lays next to her on the living room floor, snoring away. Wonder what we should name her? I'm thinking "Floozie" but we'll probably just end up calling her Bombshell too. The lengths we'll go to for love!