I have this routine most weekday mornings. A half hour before my alarm goes off, I somehow wake myself up and trudge into the bathroom to turn on my hot rollers for my hair. Then I trudge back to bed and crawl back under the covers until the alarm goes off. I turn it off and usually lay there another 15 minutes. By this time, Tubby has parked himself on my side of the bed and is staring me down because he's ready to go outside and do his business.
I get up, let him out the front door, then proceed to putter around in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, taking my vitamins, putting my hair up in rollers and getting my clothes ready for the day. This takes about 15 minutes, which is usually plenty of time for Tubs to get done sniffing all the tree trunks and peeing on all my plants and flowers. Normally, by the time I get my curlers in my hair, he's sitting on the front porch waiting to come back in, however this morning that wasn't the case!
I stepped out onto the porch and called his name but he was nowhere in sight. I went to the back door and called him, but no Tubby. All three donkeys started yelling to be fed, but I didn't have time for them right now! I had to find my silly dog! Exasperated, I put on my slippers and went back out the front door to try and find him. I walked around the entire house and yard, calling his name (in my pajamas and hair rollers, mind you!) but couldn't find him. Where in the world had he gone? I walked down the fence line toward the back pasture, no Tubby. I looked over toward the neighbor's garden, no Tubby. By the barn across the street, no Tubby. I stood in the middle of the yard, panicked now that someone had driven by and lured him into their car. I was just getting ready to go inside to wake up Hubby and tell him Tubby was gone, when there the little brat was, way over in the neighbor's front yard, staring me down like nothing was amiss. Boy that dog makes me mad sometimes! I called him to me and he took his own sweet lumbering time doe-dee-doeing back over into our yard and up the porch steps. I was so mad my hands were shaking and I was seeing red! I scolded him and told him to get in his crate, but of course he had other plans and proceeded to run through the bathroom and into the bedroom where his Daddy was still sleeping.
I had to go in after him and literally drag his 80 pounds of furry stubbornness out of the room and into his crate. Bratty brat! What a way to start the day! My blood was boiling! Luckily, all the commotion hasn't awakened his sleeping Daddy and I was able to continue to get ready for work. I finished getting my clothes ready and put my make-up on, then stepped out of the bathroom and there was Tubby, laying outside the bathroom door waiting for me! "How in the world did you get out of your crate?" I grabbed him by the collar and proceeded to drag him back in. "No! No! Bad boy!" I must not have latched the door right the first time.
I got dressed and went back into the bathroom to take my curlers out and brush through my hair, spritzed on some perfume and walked back out and there he was again, sitting in the doorway of the living room! Good flippin' grief! How did he get out again? I grabbed him again and this time he extended both of his front legs ram-rod straight right out in front of him and dug his nails into the carpet. He did NOT want to go back to his crate. But back in his crate he eventually went, and this time I made double sure the latch was closed right on the door, all the while wondering in the back of my mind if maybe we had some sort of magic Houdini Dog or a playful ghost!
I was just getting ready to go back into the bedroom to kiss Hubby goodbye when the bedroom door opened and there was Sid standing there with mischief twinkling in his eyes and holding back a terrible case of the giggles. HE WAS THE CULPRIT! That ding-dong husband of mine had been pretending to be asleep when all the while he was sneaking back and forth from one side of the house to the other, letting Tubby out of his crate! And here I was, scolding poor Tubby! That dog was probably so confused. "What the heck? Mom puts me in my crate and Dad lets me out. What's up with that?" I chased Sid through the bedroom and into the bathroom where I could hear him laughing hysterically about what he had done. These boys of mine are giving me gray hair! Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!
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