We're in the Money!

Well, what do you know! This morning, at my office, I received a fax from royalty! Well, former royalty, according to the letter, which was written by none other than the son of a former King of Liberia, a country in West Africa. Do they actually still have kings in Africa? Anyway, this poor son-of-a-former-king was writing me from a refugee camp in Tanzania because his poor father was currently being held against his will by the United Nations for alleged offenses of war crimes! Can you imagine the nerve? Apparently, the unfortunate man is currently facing court trial in the Netherlands, which apparently is where they have moved him awaiting trial.

This distraught son was writing me because his father, the former king, told him that I was a trustworthy individual whom his father spoke highly of in past conversations. Really? Me? I don't remember ever meeting a former king of Liberia, but then again my memory these days isn't what it used to be. As I read further, the letter continued on to say that this former king apparently stashed $177,000,000 in a banks' security vault under the name of a friend right here in the good old U.S. of A! Amazingly, however, that poor friend died in a most unfortunate motor accident and now the kings son is desperate for help in obtaining access to the millions of dollars hidden away in that bank vault!

I guess this is where I come in, because reading further, the son tells me that he has come up with an idea for us to get our hands on that money after all. He contacted the bank manager and found out that yes, the money is still safely there in the account and he needs my help in obtaining access to it and transferring it out of Tanzania. For my help, he's willing to give me 30%! Wow!! 30% of $177,000,000 is $53,100,000! Can you imagine? I'm going to be a multi-millionaire! That's better than winning the Mega Millions lottery! And I didn't even have to buy a ticket!!!

All I have to do is send this man my bank account information and fax him a signed release letter and the funds will be transferred immediately right into both of our accounts! Isn't that wonderful? I just can't believe how lucky I am to have been chosen for this unbelievable opportunity! In a matter of minutes, I will be rich beyond my wildest dreams! My husband and I can finally quit our jobs and travel the world! My prayers have been answered and we and all our loved ones will want for nothing for the rest of our lives! Oh boy! I better hurry up and get my information faxed back so I can start making my list of all the ways I'm going to spend my millions!

(You do know I'm being sarcastic, right? I'd never fall for one of these outlandish scams, although I do think it's funny that someone actually has the nerve to send such a letter out and quite the lack of sense to think that people might actually respond!)

Unexpected Company

This morning we woke to chilly temperatures, blue skies and sunshine. When I got to the office, my boss had both the front and back doors to the house open and we had a nice breeze blowing through and could hear all the birds singing in the trees.

I was just working away at my computer when all of a sudden I heard the biggest racket behind me. I knew my boss was in his office in back, so I thought maybe someone had come in the front door without me seeing them. I turned around in my chair and there was this poor little sparrow flying willy nilly all through the office.

It was fluttering from room to room, trying to find its way back outside. Through the kitchen, into the file room, back into my bosses office, across the foyer and into my office, up the stairs and back down again that poor little bird flew! It would land on the ceiling fan for a brief rest, then swoop back down as if it was going to land in my hair. I was ducking and shooing and flaying my arms to try and steer it back outside, but it just kept on flying around the office.

Finally, it exhausted itself out and landed on a big set of house plans and my boss scooped it up and let it out the back door. Poor little thing. Curiosity got the best of it and it just had to fly in and see what we were doing, I guess.

Here I would rather be enjoying the beautiful outdoors, and it apparently wanted to be indoors for a change. I imagine it had quite the story to tell once it finally regained its strength and flew back to its family. Too bad we couldn't have traded places for the day. Oh well, back to work. . .

Palm Trees in Tennessee?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. . . My husband is a nut! Every day he comes up with a new way to make me laugh. He's got this new hair-brained idea to play a trick on the three neighbor ladies that walk up and down our road every morning.

Now that the pears are starting to ripen and fall into the yard, the ladies have started stopping to pick up as many as they can carry when they pass our house. The other morning we had the front door open as we puttered around the house getting ready for work, and when the ladies stopped in the yard, Tubby spotted them and busted out the screen door and down the steps to greet them. They all three stood frozen in their tracks with their mouths wide open when they saw him come flying out of the house. He jumped all over them, drooling hello in his own special way, until Sid rescued them from his slobbery assault.

When he came back in the house, he was hit with the idea for the trick he's going to play on the pear-thieving bunch. He's going to pick a week and one day he's going to toss some fat, bright red apples out in the lawn among the pears. Then the next day, he's going to put a few oranges out there. The final day, he's going to lay out a couple coconuts. His hope is that he'll be able to hide somewhere and video tape the ladies' reaction as they find these odd fallen fruits in our yard, and then the last day he'll hop out and laugh his infectious silly laugh as the jokester is revealed!

I guess I have to admit it is a good idea and it could be pretty funny to watch the expressions on their faces as they bend down to pick up an apple or an orange, and then as they look around for the tree it might have fallen from. Even better will be the day they find the coconuts with no palm trees in sight!

How does he ever think up these things? But how glad I am that he does! Never a dull moment at our house, that's for sure!

Anticipating Autumn

My favorite time of the year is just around the corner and I welcome it with open arms! I've had enough of the heat and humidity of Summer. I literally melt when I step outside and my hair goes limp as a wet dishrag, instantly undoing an hours' worth of curling and styling. There isn't a hairspray on the planet that holds up against southern humidity!

Now that the weather is changing into Fall, the sun doesn't blind us awake at such ungodly hours of the mornings, and it goes down an hour earlier at night. It's cool enough in the evenings to sleep with the windows open and the crickets, cicadas and tree frogs lull us to sleep with their constant songs.

In the mornings, it's cool and crisp and the dew coats the grass and sparkles on all the spider webs that stretch along the board fencing lining the pastures. They look like intricate works of lacy art, shining with diamonds. As much as I hate spiders, I have to admire their talent when I see how hard they've worked to weave these beautiful webs.

The pears and persimmons are already falling out of the trees and the deer are coming into the yard at night to munch on them. I imagine they make a tasty midnight snack. Pretty soon it will be time for pumpkins and scarecrows and weekend bonfires. The leaves will be turning soon and swirling through the air to carpet the ground with colors of red, orange and bright yellow. I can't wait!

Date Night

Hubby and I went to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers in concert the other night in Nashville. We'd been to see him before years ago, and they put on a really good show. I'd forgotten how much fun a good concert could be! The instant the lights go down the crowd jumps to their feet and everyone is screaming and yelling and whooping and hollering as the band takes their places on stage. Then it's like a two hour frenzy of favorite songs, one right after the other, with the smell of pot in the air and thousands of voices singing the words to every song at the top of their lungs. Then before you know it, the band is taking their final bow and sadly it's all over and the crowd rushes out.

It was the most fun I've had in a long time and I don't think we sat down for more than a minute the whole time. We danced and sang and clapped and screamed along with everyone else around us, lighters held high in tribute in the air. All the way home I kept thinking how much fun it was and why don't we do this more often?

It made me think back to all the concerts we've been to over the years. I remember my very first concert (if you can call the Oregon State Fair a concert venue) was Andy Gibb. My Mom took my sister and I and we sat on some bleachers in front of an outdoor stage and watched Andy in those tight red leather pants wiggle his butt and shake that gorgeous head of long blonde hair, imagining he was singing those sappy love songs directly to us. We giggled and gasped and sighed with puppy love. I think I was about 12 years old or so at the time.

I guess Loverboy was my first official honest-to-goodness, full band on stage concert. It was held in Salem at The Armory and the whole place was filled to the rafters. They had colored smoke shooting up out of the stage and laser lights shooting all through the crowd and the music was so loud I thought my ears would ring forever.

All through high school it was one concert after another. Triumph, Ozzy, Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Sammy Hagar, Judas Priest, Def Leppard, Billy Squire, Scorpions, Tom Petty, John Cougar, etc. It's a wonder we weren't deaf by the time we reached our 20's. And where did we find the money for all those tickets?

Then later in life we mellowed out to Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson and Brad Paisley, but the scene was filled with just as much camaraderie and excitement, whether it was country or rock-n-roll.

There's something awesome about standing in a crowd of 30,000 strangers all swaying together to the music and singing each song word-for-word as one. It sends a thrill through you. I can see why some bands stay around as long as they do to ride this adrenaline rushed wave of fame even into their 60's. And thank goodness they do, so fans like us can keep coming to the shows, remembering back to good times past and making new memories along the way!

Chocolate Covered Memories

Today I channeled my dearly departed Grandma Happy and baked a sheet cake with homemade chocolate frosting. For as long as I can remember, I don't think there ever was a time that you'd visit Grandma's house without a fresh baked cake waiting there for you with melt-in-your-mouth, lick-the-bowl-clean homemade frosting! She was the best for homemade desserts.

As I ran the mixer and frosted the cake, I thought of her and how much I miss having her around. There have been times I've thought, "Oh, I'll just call Grandma!" but then I remember she's not there for me to call anymore. It's been years now since she's been gone, but once in awhile you just forget she's not there in her shag-carpeted living room, sitting on that brightly colored velour couch waiting for the phone to ring.

I miss her tiny little southern voice, her words of wisdom, the sweet cards and handwritten letters, the handmade gifts she always gave for Christmas and birthdays, the not-so-subtle way she always inquired about my attendance in church on Sundays. I can still see her all dressed up in her finest outfit with those shiny silver or gold lame' jeweled shoes, with her matching necklace and earrings and her hair done up perfect and prettily in place.

Or better yet, with one of her hundreds of ornately hand-sewn aprons on, serving up a loving helping of that fresh baked cake! I miss you Grandma!

Kids will be Kids!

I really don't have anything to compare it to, since we weren't blessed with actual children of our own, but I've come to the conclusion that Tubby is the chubby little "toddler" that God has given us and the things we experience with him seem very similar to those that I can imagine parents with a small child or baby would be experiencing.

For instance, I find that we can't leave the house without a package of baby wipes in my purse, a small towel that acts as a "bib" for his drool, a chew toy, which doubles as his "pacifier" when he gets cranky or sleepy, and a whole slew of other items you just HAVE to have on hand to keep him happy. And if he's not going with us, just like a child, you have to find a source of "doggie" day-care!

The house is a blur of activity from sun-up to sun-down and you're constantly tripping on toys and cleaning up after him 24/7. He demands your complete attention 99% of the time and he crawls all over you like a monkey when you're trying to sit and relax.

Like I assume a child his age has similar eating habits, you can be assured you'll be cleaning up a big mess when he's finished with his meal. I find kibbles of dog food in the strangest places, including the insides of my shoes! And heaven forbid if you leave anything that even remotely resembles a play-toy laying within reach, because it's going to get absconded with and chances are you won't be finding it when you really need it. Then one day you're searching the couch cushions for the hundredth time and there it is, wedged down between the pillows.

There are times for parental pride, when we take him for walks in town and everybody ooooh's and aaaah's about him as we pass by. They pat him on the head, rub under his chin, squish his cheeky jowls together and talk baby-talk to him, just like I've done to human babies I've seen while standing in line at the grocery store.

And when he's tuckered out after a long day and ready for bed, that's when he's an angel, crawling up into your lap to get his tummy and ears rubbed. Pretty soon his eyes get all droopy and his breathing turns into a soft, steady snore and he's out like a light. This parenthood thing is pretty cool.